– The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
"[Trigger Warning: CSA, Anger] Writing Exercise: ANGER: Write a letter to your abuser. Do not be reasonable. This is not a letter to send. Write exactly what you want to say without thinking about possible repercussions. Be as blunt and hurt and angry as you want to be. Express your longing. Express your grief. Express your rage, your hurt, your humanity. Say it all. Let it be a cleansing. You can write this letter more than once. You might have had more than one abuser. Your feelings about your abuser may change over time. You may want to write to a nonprotective parent or other person as well."
"[Writing Exercise Instructions] The basic method: Try to forget everything you’ve ever been told about writing. What you’re going to do is a kind of free writing, or stream-of-consciousness writing. It’s not about making art or getting a good grade or trying to make sense to someone else. Rather it’s a way to short-circuit your censors to get to what you need to say. Write without stopping. Go at a pace that’s comfortable for you, and don’t stop. If you get stuck or can’t think of anything to say, you can write, “This is the stupidest exercise I ever heard of,” or “I’m hungry - I wonder if times’ up yet.” One woman who was writing about her abuse stopped every few lines and wrote, “I cannot say any more,” and then went on to say more. Giving herself permission to stop made it possible for her to continue telling her story. You needn’t use full sentences. You needn’t spell or punctuate properly. It can be in English or in another language. Sometimes if another language was spoken when you were a child, you will remember or write more fluidly in that language. If you were abused before you learned to talk, your writing may sound childish or come out as baby talk."
– The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis (via healingquotes)
(Source: , via healingquotes)
"[Trigger Warning: CSA, Anger] As you become more familiar with your anger, it can become a part of everyday life. When it’s not so pent up, anger can stop being a dangerous monster and take its place as one of many feelings."
– The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
"[Trigger Warning: CSA, Anger] It’s not healthy to deny your anger, but it’s also not healthy to live permanently bound up in your rage. The nature of feelings is to ebb and flow. Eventually your anger will take its place as just one of a wide range of emotions, rather than a constant companion."
– The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
"[Trigger Warning: CSA, Anger] Anger can also keep you enmeshed with the person you’re angry with in a way that you never intended. Although you may desperately want to get that person out of your life, your active rage can keep the connection alive."
– The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
"[Trigger Warning: CSA, Anger] It does not feel good to live in a perpetual state of anger and turmoil. What you once experienced as exhilaration - finally getting to express your outrage - can sometimes become a habitual pattern that is exhausting and debilitating."
– The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
"[Trigger Warning: CSA, Anger] Our anger helps us recognize injustice, gives us strength, and counteracts fear and self-destructive behavior. Many survivors would have succumbed to despair and killed themselves were it not for their anger. Yet anger, if it is your primary emotion, can be a defense. When you maintain a constant state of anger, your experience of life becomes one-dimensional and you avoid having to feel more vulnerable emotions such as grief, fear, shame, hopelessness, and terror."
– The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
"[Trigger Warning: CSA, Anger] Safety guidelines for anger-release work: For anger-release work to be safe, there must be clear safety guidelines: 1. Don’t hurt yourself or anyone else. 2. Don’t destroy any property that you haven’t specifically designated as appropriate (for example, old dishes to break). 3. You can imagine the object of your anger to be your abuser or anyone else you’re angry at - except yourself. Even if you feel angry with yourself, don’t imagine the pillows you hit or the paper you shred to be yourself."
– The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
"[Trigger Warning: CSA, Anger] For some survivors, simply acknowledging their anger in a clear way is enough: “Father Michael took advantage of me. he robbed me of my childhood, and I’m angry about it.” Saying these words out loud to a sympathetic listener - or simply writing them in your journal - can be an effective way to express your anger."
– The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
"[Trigger Warning: CSA, Anger] Anger is a powerful tool, but it has its limits. Screaming, pounding on pillows, expressing anger in large, physical ways can create freedom or it can throw fuel on the fire. By paying attention to your own experience, you can learn what does and what doesn’t help you to heal."
– The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
"[Trigger Warning: CSA, Anger] If you aren’t sure whether anger-release exercises will be useful for you, experiment in a small way and then check in with yourself to see how you feel. Ask yourself: Do I feel lighter? Is there more room inside? Does it feel good to set the burden of this old rage down? Do I feel calmer after doing this? Or do I feel even more upset than when I began? Am I more angry? More agitated?"
– The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
"[Trigger Warning: CSA, Anger] Although expressing anger physically like this can be incredibly liberating, it’s not right for everyone. The purpose of this kind of anger work is to move bottled-up energy through and out, leaving you with a sense of release and peace. But for some survivors, exercises like these just keep recycling the rage, creating more and more agitation and distress. It’s important to learn about yourself so that you come to know what is and isn’t helpful for you."
– The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
"[Trigger Warning: CSA, Anger] For many survivors, it is empowering to release anger in physical ways. Pounding pillows, yelling, and tearing up newspaper are safe expressions of long-held rage."
– The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
"[Trigger Warning: CSA, Anger] Some survivors feel that revenge is not in their hands. And often the best revenge is living well."
– The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
"[Trigger Warning: CSA, Anger] There are nonviolent means of retribution that can be powerful tools both for healing and for social change. Some survivors have spoken out publicly about their abuse. others have pursued legal resolution through the criminal justice system or sought restitution from their abusers in civil court."
– The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis
